Loneliness........

Believe it or not but at some point of time everyone feels it. It is the day after exams got over.Almost everyone went home, only few of us still getting pissed in hostel, and suddenly it attacked me, the loneliness. Just a day before, i was so into exams, tensed, baffled, nervous, and now, its totally reversed. I could feel the randomness in life. No one to talk , play, enjoy n of course smoke along. I am just alone n helpless. Hardly anyone can hear me screaming. This is what loneliness does to you.
The sea of loneliness is so deep that hardly anyone can survive and right there lying at the bottom you are forced to think about what you have been running all your life. Past memories are flashed like some movie and you are watching it alone in a dark room. Your mind stops working and your heart cries and shrieks and no one to hear.
Why cant we just put the past aside and move on?? Is it really that difficult ?? Why do we always try to relate everything with whatever bad has happened to us??? This is one moment when i cant really control emotions flowing outta through eyes in tears.
I could sense the heart beating hard trying to pop out and this is the time when you look for people and you can merely find no one, this makes the current state even worse. Why is it so, you don't find people when you need them the most??
In life, i just tried to follow one rule, not to have expectations from anyone, except yourself, but is it really so easy to execute?? ... i am afraid, no. When we make friends, we attach our emotions and under those emotions are the hidden expectations.
When you meet someone and gel up, you never come to know when that person becomes a part of your life.When they are not around, one could feel something is missing and the situation is no different with me. Importance can only be felt when you loose something and you know you cant get it back but you never stop trying.
I just want to runaway from this deep shit hole but its an abyss and you keep sinking deep n deep. Life looks miserable and you feel like no one wants you, no one likes you and there is just lies the loneliness.


p.s. cigarette smoking is highly injurious to health.......

My First Blog.....

I always thought of starting blogging but never gave it a try though i had huge urge of writing about things around me, my ideas, my views.
But today i am very excited coz everything you do, initialization is the toughest part n finally i have initiated the process.
I dont know why most of the time people think about others, what others are doing, what others are interested in. For god sake you have your own life to think about, why give a damm about others.
life is so complex that people spend their whole life in understanding its real n imaginary part and then also just get the few % of it. What i was yesterday, i am not today n what i am today , i wont be in future. Its a continuous change process n to survive you need to change no matter what it takes.
Once Master YODA said "Do or do not there is no trying". So true and i just wanna stick to it.
Have you ever been called stupid, mad, insane....?? How do u feel then..?? I like it coz when you do something new people will always call you lunatic.
But who cares. Just do what your mind says...ya rite i said 'mind' not 'heart'
Heart always shows you the imaginary part, it shows you what you wanna see despite of the reality but mind is above all, making the life realistic. It doesnt pop up the rosy image of everything rather tells you about the truth. i know its quite contrary to many people n its not like i dont respect their view point but dammed its my blog n i have all the rights to put up whatever i want (is it too rude..?? ).
I have always believed in my mind and so far it worked for me. Heart just has one fucking function i.e to pump the blood...ha ha...why the hell people confuse it with mind. God knows, i atleast dont know.
Noone likes change n i am no different but still at some point you feel the change n get used to it. But getting used to is not always rite untill or unless you enjoy it. I like changes when they are for me, when i wann them and not for anyone else n why should i change for someone else when you know they cant do the same when put in your place.
I like what i am doesnt matter what others think about me. I do what i have to do. Anyway what is so wrong in being selfish. Who is not...??? Think this way, you come alone in this world n you have to go alone. People just shed few tears n then they forget you n you still worry for such people. No way... i am not gonna be a part of such crowd who thinks of social servicing.
There is just one simple rule i.e give n take and it is as simple as you think. We help someone n in turn we expect the same from him. You like it or not but that the reality. Earlier i too was living in the same strata of life but life teaches you a lot as much as you can never think of.
Just getting good knowledge in schools, getting into reputed institutions n having a huge pay doesn't mean you have got everything. There is lot more to learn every time. Every moment of life teaches you a new lesson, i have learned many so would you have.
To end with i just wanna say life is like a puzzle having infinite ways to go wrong but just few to the actual solution. Every second we face a new challenge n trust me its infact more fun facing those tricky ones rather sitting idle n blaming others for whatever wrong has happened with you.

Life is fun dear, live it else its better to die young if you really cant. :)